you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
