My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
