Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
