If i come over, it means nothing
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
