Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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