No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
