I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
