I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
