You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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