he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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