do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
