Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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