My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
