I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You are the jesus of drinking
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
