i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
