The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
