dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
