We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
