Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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