I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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