could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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