im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
