Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
