My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
