i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
