whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
