If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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