So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
