i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
