yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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