I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
