I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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