She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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