How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
