All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
