i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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