gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
