you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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