i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
