I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
