i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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