please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
