I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
