toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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