They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
