Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
