I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
