Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
