Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
