Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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