I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just gift wrapped bread.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
