I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
