And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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