He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
