I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
