come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
