I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Text me some of your sweat
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