I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i've created a new STD.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
