somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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