Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
