I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
